


The Oracle, the Cat, the Plant and the Clown

by madealine



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: BFFs, Basically the entire Batman rouges gallery, Gotham City Sirens, Language, They’re kind of the good guys, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 07:23:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14373792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madealine/pseuds/madealine
Summary: It’s been six months since Batman disappeared, and no one knows why. A massive breakout at Arkham has occurred and dangerous criminals are now on the loose. With the rest of the Batfamily busy, Barbara Gordon (aka Oracle, as she prefers) must band together with a few unexpected allies to save Gotham City.





	1. The Joke on Oracle

Barbara sat at her computer, monitoring the criminal activity in Gotham’s underworld. There was a particular spike in the Penguin’s area, but instead of notifying Batman, she simply sighed and rubbed her temples. It had been nearly six months since Bruce Wayne had gone missing, and so it had been nearly six months since Batman had gone missing, as well. Luckily, Dick Grayson had been filling in here and there so no one was suspicious, but there wasn’t much else he could do as he was busy protecting Blüdhaven. 

Barbara cracked her knuckles and relaxed against her wheelchair. She wished she could do more than sit and watch Gotham’s insanity, but ever since the Joker had paralyzed her from the waist down, she had to hang up her cowl and retire to the moniker “Oracle,” helping the rest of the heroes from behind a screen. She knew that they could never achieve the success that they had without her, but still, her heart was saddened when she saw them fighting and bringing criminals to justice without her. 

Slowly, she turned herself around and made her way to the old grandfather clock that led into Wayne Manor. She knocked on it three times and waited a moment before Alfred pulled open the secret entrance. 

“Hello Ms. Gordon,” he said politely. “Do you require my assistance?”

”No thank you, Alfred. I was just heading out for the night.” He frowned a bit before responding.

”Has anything changed?”

”No,” she sighed. “Penguin is still at large, as well as the Riddler, Two-Face, Scarecrow, the Mad Hatter, Bane, and Black Mask.” Alfred scowled.

”That’s two more than last night.”

”Scarecrow and Black Mask escaped a few days ago, but they didn’t start causing trouble until tonight. Just be glad that Joker is still locked up tight in Arkham.”

”I suppose that is one blessing we can still count,” he said softly. The two looked at each other a moment. Alfred was silent. Just as Barbara began to wheel herself away, he spoke.

”Is there any sign of him? Anything at all?” His eyes were nearly overflowing with tears, but his voice did not shake.

”No. There’s no trace of him anywhere. I’m sorry.” Sadness crossed the butler’s face, and in that moment, he looked older than anyone Barbara knew. His hair was somehow more grey with stress than white with age, and new lines had formed on his forehead and along his mouth. Shadows lurked beneath his eyes, and his eyes themselves were distant and unresponsive, like they weren’t taking in everything around him. He was so worn in that moment that, for the first time in a long time, Barbara wanted to mourn Bruce’s disappearance.

”Well,” he said at last, “it’s not your fault. None of this is anyone’s fault.” Even as he said this, he looked to her for confirmation. She nodded.

”None of this is anyone’s fault,” she repeated, and she continued to repeat this as she went through the mansion, and still continued as she wheeled down the slope that was made for her, out into the driveway, and into her car. Barbara herself could not drive (for obvious reasons) but luckily, her superhero boyfriend had quite the talent in making new things to help her.

Babs lifted herself out of her chair and into the driver’s seat, reaching down to pull her chair into the large back of her car. She buckled herself in, grabbed the keys from her bag, turned the ignition, and, using her hands, slid her feet into the “fake legs” that Dick had made for her, though she had named the contraption Lexi. As soon her feet were in place, Lexi came to life, emitting a soft blue glow. Barbara put the car in reverse.

”Push the gas,” she said, loud enough so that Lexi could register the command. She pulled out of the parking space and took the car out of reverse. “Stop.” She readjusted the wheel and got ready to turn onto the street. “Okay, push the gas.”

” _Speed?_ ” 

“Forty miles per hour.” She started off down the drive, Lexi gaining speed as they pulled onto the road. They cruised on forty mph once they were completely out of the driveway. The drive back to her house was a short but boring one, so Barbara reached down and turned on the radio. Camila Cabello’s voice flooded her car.

_It's you, babe_  
_And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe_  
_And I could try to run, but it would be useless_  
_You're to blame_  
_Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same_  
_It's you, babe_  
_And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe_  
_And I could try to run, but it would be useless_  
_You're to blame_  
_Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never ever, ever be the same_  
_I'll never be the same_  
_I'll never be the same_  
_I'll never be the same_

Barbara wasn’t the biggest fan of pop music. She didn’t like the repeated themes or the meaningless words thrown around in them, but she connected to a part of this song. She knew, in her heart of hearts, that she would never be the same. She couldn’t be. Bruce was gone, and he may never be back. She might never see him or hear his voice, and though she had a father of her own, he had filled that role when Commissioner Gordon couldn’t. She loved Bruce more than she could possibly say, just like she loved Dick and Alfred and Tim. Just as she loved Cassandra and Stephanie and Damian and even Jason, though he wasn’t who he used to be. She loved them all so much, but it was Bruce who had started it all. It was Bruce who had brought them all together, and without him, what were they? What was she? Now that he was gone, what difference could she make, little Barbara Gordon, shot and paralyzed, stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of her life? What could she possibly do? She wasn’t reliant on Bruce, but she wasn’t stupid either. She realized that without him or someone out in field, she couldn’t do anything but watch and inform the police of incoming attacks.

Bruce had allowed her to become who she had always wanted to be: a hero. And now, without him to encourage and train her, she knew she would never be the same. After all the horror she had seen because of the Joker, her mother, Jason, even her days as Batgirl, she could never be the girl she once was. She was older now, and wiser, and more afraid than ever. But she had to be strong. For Alfred. For Dick. For herself.

Barnara saw her apartment complex in the distance and told Lexi to slow down to a crawl. She pulled into the driveway and waited for the gate to open. 

“Verification code, please,” a kind voice said through a speaker.

”Two-seven-five-two.”

”One moment.” The gate swung open and she told Lexi to drive on. Soon enough, they reached her designated parking spot, and she reached around to pull her chair from the backseat. When her chair was situated on the ground, she thanked Lexi, told her goodnight (she was sentimental and had a special bond with her robo-feet), turned off the car and plopped herself down into the wheelchair. Barbara put her calloused hands on the wheels and pushed her way to her apartment, which was, thank god, on the first level. Inserting her key into the lock, she pushed open the door and wheeled inside.

Her apartment was small, with a couch to her immediate left and a dinner table to her right. A tiny kitchen was tucked away in the far right corner, the marble counter top blocking most of her view. She made her way down the narrow hall, spinning her wheels so that they didn’t catch on an upturned floor board. She turned left into her bathroom and shut the door behind her. She undid her hair from the ponytail and took off her glasses. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and headed into her bedroom. Her bed was in the middle of the back wall, a dresser with mirror to its right, a closet with two doors to its left. She changed into an old t-shirt and loose cotton pants, slowly lifting herself out of her chair and into bed. She grabbed a book and began to read, if only just to pass the time.

Unfortunately though, her mind began to wander. Where did Bruce go? Why did he leave? Was he in trouble? These questions haunted her mind and plagued her thoughts until finally, at nearly two o’clock in the morning, she fell unconscious, but not asleep. She didn’t dream, and she wasn’t rested when she awoke, but her conscious simply refused to continue answering her brain’s questions.

Her alarm beeped after what seemed like five minutes to her. Six-thirty. She didn’t want to get up. It was a Saturday after all, she only was awake in the first place because she forgot to turn off her alarm. In fact, Barbara would’ve stayed in bed if her phone hadn’t chimed so uncharacteristicly. She didn’t have many friends, so who could be texting her, especially at this hour? She reached for her phone, eyes scanning over the screen. She paused.

Read it a second time. 

Then a third.

She was about to read it again when Dick messaged her.

_Have you read the news?_

_Yeah._

_This is very not good._

_No shit, Sherlock._

Barbara looked down at her phone’s previous alert again, trying to decide if she was imagining it or not. After all, the universe couldn’t hate her that much, could it? 

**_JOKER HAS ESCAPED FROM ARKHAM:_ **

**_ALERT BATMAN?_ **

She hit “no.” What else could she do?

_What can I do, Babs?_

_I don’t know, Dick. Aren’t there tons of escapees in Blüdhaven right now?_

_Yeah, but they can wait if you need my help._

_No, they can’t. You know it just as much as I do_

_... You’re right. What are we gonna do? Can you contact Tim?_

_He hasn’t answered his phone since Bruce’s disappearance, Damian is off somewhere with Talia, Steph and Cass are doing their own thing with Batwoman, and I don’t know where the hell Jason is. I’m alone, Dick._

_I’m sure you can think of something, Babs. You always do._

_I don’t think I can this time._

_..._

_Dick?_

_... Shit._


	2. A Division and its Solution

Barbara was furious. And scared. But mostly furious. Apparently, the universe despised her so much that it not only took her mother away, paralyzed her, and made Bruce disappear, but also let Joker escape from Arkham and roam the streets freely.

As soon as she had heard the news, she notified Alfred and sent a message to Tim (he didn’t respond). She then got in her car, activated Lexi, and began the drive to Wayne Manor.

 _Why me?_ She thought, looking out her window to see the trees pass by. _What did I do to deserve this? Of all the people on this Earth, of all the places I could be right now, why Gotham?_

She knew the answer. She secretly loved it in Gotham, the rush of adrenaline she got when another criminal escaped and the feeling of joy when they were put away again. But this, escapees to the point where Arkham was near empty, this was far too much. It was like taking an overdose of heroin. The drug itself provided a wonderful feeling, but when taken in excess, it would kill you.

Babs arrived at the mansion at seven o’clock sharp. She wheeled herself to the front door, knocked, and waited. Alfred opened the door seconds later.

”Ms. Gordon, I assume you're here to resume your duties?”

“Yeah.”

”Ma’am, it’s very early in the morning and I can only imagine how late you went to bed. Surely you could sleep a few hours longer?”

”Alfred, we need to be as vigilant as possible now that Joker is loose.” Alfred looked taken aback by her tone. She was... more aggressive than usual. Like Bruce had been.

”Of course. Please, come inside.”

Barbara didn’t say thank you when he opened the door for her.

Alfred reached the clock and opened its case. Behind the pendulum, there was a panel of wood that he peeled back. He pressed his hand against the scanner.

” _Name, please?_ ”

”Alfred Pennyworth.”

” _Welcome, Mr. Pennyworth._ ”

The clock swung open and they both headed inside. Barbara situated herself at the computer. Video feed from a nearby bank showed two robbers, one in a top hat and the other holding a needle of some kind.

”Mad Hatter and Scarecrow,” she said. 

”What shall we do?”

”Alert the authorities.” It was a command, not a statement, and Alfred made his way into the living room to leave an anonymous tip. Barbara closed her eyes as Scarecrow pushed the needle into an innocent man’s neck. She listened to his screams and ramblings of snakes.

_I have to do something. But what?_

She was out of ideas. The rest of her Batfamily was gone, there was no evidence anywhere that Bruce was even still alive, and her poor father was running around the city, trying his best to capture the madmen in the streets.

 _And madwomen_ , the disembodied voice of Pamela Isley said to her.

 _Get out of my head._ She could practically see Poison Ivy smirking.

_Get it right next time and I will._

Barbara shook her head. This city was driving her crazy. The more she thought about it though, the more she realized that she hadn’t seen Ivy around for awhile. She knew she wasn’t in Arkham, she had escaped and evaded capture long before Batman’s left, but still. Her being gone so long started a fire in Barbara’s belly. Where could she be? What trouble was she up to?

Babs looked to her computer. She scanned the city for irregular plant activity, robberies or crimes committed in the name of preserving nature, even deaths caused by unexplained poison, but there was nothing. She started to get worried. Poison Ivy was a dangerous criminal. She could kill with a kiss, and she used her pheromones to attract men and women and use them to do her bidding. Even so, Barbara did feel a twinge of pity for her.

When she was a young woman, she had fallen in love with a scientist, and did her best to please him. However, he turned on her, did experiments and eventually made her what she was. She never let go of her vendetta, even after she had strangled him with his own house plants. A woman as dangerous as that could not be left unaccounted for.

_Hey, have you seen any sign of Poison Ivy?  
_

_In Blüdhaven?  
_

_Yeah. I think she might be one of the ones who fled.  
_

_Oh. Well, I haven’t seen her yet. But l’ll look around.  
_

_Thanks babe.  
_

_Love you.  
_

_You too._

Barbara sighed. First the Joker, now Ivy. She started to wheel herself away when the computer beeped. An attack on a nature preserve was in progress.

”Poison Ivy,” she whispered.

_Nvrmind. Found.  
_

_Well that was quick.  
_

She chuckled to herself and reasoned that the universe couldn’t hate her that much. It had given her Dick. Maybe it felt bad for being such an ass.

_Dick, can you do me a favor?  
_

_Sure thing, sweet cheeks.  
_

_Can you come to Gotham? To get Ivy? I’ll send the Batwing to pick you up.  
_

_Of course. I’ll be there soon._

 

***

 

Dick had arrived thirty minutes prior and was now at “Gotham’s Nature Centre - home to our home.” Surprisingly, there had been no deaths...yet. Barbara had gotten used to expecting the worst. She was watching Dick through a screen, talking to him over comms.

”Hey, Babs, I’m here.”

”Okay. Do you see her anywhere?”

”Yeah, she’s standing on top of this plant thingy. Oh god, hold on.” Barbara saw on her footage Dick flip out of the way and onto a parked van as Pamela’s monstrosity struck. It nearly pierced Nightwing’s arm with its shark-like teeth.

”Uh, Oracle?”

”Yeah?”

”How the hell can a plant have teeth?”

”I wish I knew.”

Nightwing jumped off of the van and into the street.

”Hey, Pammy!” Oracle saw Ivy turn towards him, a sneer plastered across her face.

”What?”

“I’ve got a question about your plants.”

”And what’s that?”

”When they get hurt, do they feel photosympathy for each other?” He took out one of his Eskrima Sticks and plunged it into the upturned roots of her plants. Poison Ivy screamed.

”How _dare_ you?! I will kill you for this, you bastard!”

”You’ll have to catch me first.” Barbara watched as Dick dodged Pamela’s attack with grace. Her weeds nearly struck him once before he jumped up and used her vines to climb to her. Soon enough, he got to her and clamped the cuffs over her wrists.

”Funny, without all your plants here, I never would’ve been able to get to you.”

”Oh, shut up, you foolish boy. I will kill you one day.” Dick laughed.

”That’s what they all say, lady. Now come on, let’s get you locked up.”

After a few hours, Pamela Isley was locked away safe and sound in Arkham. Barbara was sitting at the computer, waiting for Dick to return. After a few moments, the entrance to the Batcave opened, and in came Nightwing on his motorcycle.

”Well, that looked like fun,” Barbara said jokingly.

”Oh yeah,” he started. “It was soooo much fun. Especially the part when her vines almost strangled me. I’ll relive that one in my dreams.” Babs laughed along with him, but soon they stopped.

”Hey, Babs, are you okay? If you need me to stay, I can-“

”No, Dick, I-“ she paused. “I need you to go. Protect Blüdhaven. They need you more than I do.”

”Are you sure about that?”

She looked at him. She wanted to scream, _“No! No, I’m not sure about anything anymore! All of you, not just Bruce, left me and Alfred to do our best to protect Gotham, and so far, we’re doing a pretty shitty job! I need you so much. Please, please stay with me. Don’t leave again.”_ But she couldn’t. She promised to stay strong, and to stay strong she couldn’t rely on Dick. She wanted to, but she couldn’t.

”Yeah. Yes, I’m sure.” She smiled, just to punctuate her sentence. To make him feel like she knew what she was doing.

”Okay. Well, I’d better go. Work at the police station starts in about an hour.”

”I’ll have the Batwing take you home.” Dick looked at her and sighed.

”Babs, _you_ are my home. Blüdhaven is just my Gotham. I’ve got to protect it.”

She smiled, a true, genuine smile, and when he kissed her, softly, she felt truly happy. He pulled back all too soon.

”I love you, Barbara.”

”I love you, too. Now go. Those poor citizens need you,” she said with a laugh.

”Okay, okay, I’m going! Geez, it’s like you can’t wait to get rid of me or something.”

”Shut up, doofus.”

”Make me, doll face.”

”I would if I could.”

“You just can’t _stand_ me anymore, can you?” She laughed.

“Get out of here!” She managed to get out through her giggles.

”Alright, bye Babs.”

”Bye, retired boy-wonder.” Dick left with a short laugh, revving his bike before driving off. Barbara was left sitting in her chair, giggling to herself, when she came to a revelation.

She was right before, she couldn’t depend on Dick or any of the others in her family, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew that she needed help if she was ever going to stop the Joker and bring Bruce home. She needed the help of someone she could trust to do the right thing, but who wasn’t afraid to get their hands a little dirty. No killing, but they couldn’t be scared to throw a punch. Barbara needed someone who was willing to do whatever it took to bring Batman back to Gotham, and she had a good idea of who could help her. She took out her phone and dialed a familiar number.

Far across Gotham, on an abandoned rooftop, a woman clad in tight black leather heard her phone ring. She recognized the number immediately.

”Hello, Oracle. Or should I say Barbara? I forget how well we know each other,” the woman said. There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then a voice.

”Selina. I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, what’ll Babs ask Selina to do? We’ve met two of our three Sirens, and the third is coming soon, I promise! Next chapter should be coming out tomorrow. Madealine out!


	3. Strange Fruit

_“Selina. I need your help.”_

Those were there words Barbara had said forty five minutes earlier to Catwoman. Presently, she was sitting across from her, beginning to regret her decision.

”So, Babs, you want lil’ old me to help you find the Bat. Why?” Barbara paused. She had been wondering the same thing since she hung up the phone.

“Well, the rest of the Batfamily is... busy.”

”Too busy to help find Batman?”

“Yes.” She said it a little to harsh. Selina noticed.

”Well, fine then, Ms. Prissy. Still, of all the people you could’ve contacted, why me?”

”Let’s just say you have the skill set needed to find him.” Catwoman smiled.

”How so?” Barbara rolled her eyes. She knew Selina just wanted her to brag about her skills, but she was going to have to do so if she wanted the older woman’s help.

”You’re agile, quick, and fearless. You have no qualms in hurting others, a quality I’m afraid you’ll need for this job. Plus, I know I can trust you.” One woman smiled whilst the other furrowed her brow.

”Gordon, you sure about that whole ‘trust’ part? I’m a thief. Being untrustworthy is in my job description.”

“True, but you have one thing I haven’t mentioned yet. Your love.” Selina shook her head.

”My what?”

”Your love. You love Bruce, Selina.”

Catwoman was confused. How could this girl know that? She hadn’t made it obvious. Had she? If she had, did Bruce know?

Barbara smirked. “My father is the Commissioner and I’m the tech support for Batman. My detective skills have been sharpened.” Selina hummed.

”So,” Barbara started. “Are you gonna help me, or should I call the police?”

”Oh please, I’d escape long before they could get here. But yeah, sure, I’ll help.” Barbara’s eyes widened a bit.

”Wait, really?”

“Yeah. On a few conditions.”

 _Ah, of course,_ Barbara thought. _She wouldn’t agree without payment of some sort._

“What do you want?”

”First, money. A thousand bucks for starters, maybe more if any crazy shit happens, and I want it now. Second, I don’t need you trying to arrest me after all this is done. I get at least a month free time without Bruce chasing my ass, got it?”

”Yeah, that’s fine, but it’s a Wednesday. I won’t have that much money until Saturday. And I have a condition of my own. _No. Killing._ ” Selina shrugged.

“Fine. It’ll make the job a million times harder, but fine. There’s one more thing. I’m gonna need some help.” Babs stared. This wasn’t expected, but she played it off.

”Sure. Who do you need?”

”Oh, I think you know. Who, out of all the rouges, have I ever successfully worked with without fighting them every second?”

 _Oh god,_ Barbara thought. _This can’t end well._

“You want to reform the Gotham City Sirens to find Batman?” She nodded. “It’s never going to work, Selina.”

”Well, that’s your problem Babs, not mine. Anyway, those are my conditions, and I want half of that thousand now.”

”I’ll give you two hundred. Enough to get you the supplies you’ll need but not enough to get you a ticket out of Gotham. I don’t trust you that much.”

”I’m hurt, Oracle. But fine. You’re going to have to pay me more, though. When this is all over.” Babs nodded.

”Okay!” Selina began. “I’ll get going now, to break Pam out of Arkham. Do me a favor and turn the alarms off, just in case I’m a little rusty. I haven’t been near that place for years.” Selina stood up, opened the nearest window, and jumped onto the ledge. “Oh, and Babs? Remember, I can back out of this deal whenever I want.”

”So can I.”

”Good, we both have leverage. This’ll make things much more interesting. Bye bye!” She catapulted off of the windowsill and out into the night. Barbara heard the distant sound of a whip cracking and rubbed her eyes. She pressed a button on her wheelchair and a hologram popped up. Quickly, she hacked into Arkham’s security feeds and paused all of the cameras’ video footage, making sure their clocks were still running, and disabled all of the alarms. Selina could deal with the rest. Barbara leaned against her chair.

She made a mistake, and she knew it, but there was nothing she could do now. Sure, she could try to back out, but then she would never find Bruce. And even if she stayed, if she let the Sirens do her dirty work, would their efforts prove inconsequential? What if Bruce was already dead and she was wasting her time? Selina would kill her, probably with the help of her cohorts for dragging them into this mess.

Barbara wheeled herself into the kitchen. Alfred was standing near the door. It was obvious he had been listening to their conversation, but Babs didn’t mind.

”So, the Gotham City Sirens, Batman’s sworn enemies, reuniting to find him. Could this be considered ironic, Ms. Gordon?”

”I believe so Alfred. And I think,” she said, pointing to a locked cabinet, “that we’re going to need some wine.”

Meanwhile, Selina Kyle was standing near the edge of Arkham. She knew that the alarms were probably off, she trusted Oracle that much, but she could never be too sure. The doors to the asylum opened and a nurse walked out, the monitor beeping to note her exit. Selina grabbed a rock and threw it into the entrance hall before the door closed. There was no beep. Selina smirked. As the nurse walked down the steps, she crept up behind her, clamping her hand over the young woman’s mouth and nose to muffle her cries. Soon the woman passed out from fear and lack of oxygen, and Selina stripped her of her clothes and dragged her behind Arkham. Catwoman ripped her costume off and draped it over the nurse (she didn’t want her to be found naked, and she would want clothes when she woke up; Selina wasn’t as stone cold as most thought.) She slid into the nurse’s outfit, finding a key card in the pocket.

Selina walked into the asylum, using the stolen card to open locked doors or prove her identity to curious security guards. She reached the elevator and rode it to the fifth floor where they kept level eight and nine criminals - the most dangerous of them all.

The nurse’s heels clicked on the floor, a bit too small for Selina’s feet, but not uncomfortable. _Poison Ivy’s cell must be nearby,_ she thought, and she was right. She found Pamela in cell two of the Level Nine wing, where the ‘Big Six’ (Riddler, Mad Hatter, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, and Joker) were kept. All of the cells were empty except one. Selina slipped the stolen key card into the door and the light started bliking green, ready for her to punch in the code.

”14-19,” a voice whispered. “What are you doing here Selina?” She smiled.

”I’m busting you out of here, Pam! Now come on, let’s go.” The light shine green and they heard the thunk of a bolt sliding out of place. Pamela pushed open the door and stretched her arms above her. Selina saw a small plant growing through a crack in the cell wall grow bigger. She looked to Ivy. The red head grinned back at her.

”Let’s blow this joint.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harley’s coming next chapter, promise!! Madealine out


	4. Soft

_She was lying down on a bed softer than her own, with red sheets instead of pink. The pillows were fluffed and covered in silk and rose petals, and she looked up to see him above her. So_ that _was the strange weight she had felt. His face glowed in the candlelight, but he looked different to her. Softer. His skin was darker, his hair brown, his green eyes muted. Even his nose wasn’t as pointed, as if he had never in his life broken it. He kissed along her neck, softly, like butterflies, and she bit her lip. This wasn’t like him. He was never this... boring._

_She didn’t like it. There was no fun or mischief in his gaze when he looked up at her, his mouth resting just above her bellybutton. He crept closer and closer, down, down, down, below her waist line. His head disappeared beneath her dress. Since when was she wearing a dress? It was yellow and bright, like summer, and she looked over into a standing mirror. She looked different, too. Her hair was brown, its natural color, and her glasses perched on her nose. Her face and body was tanned from the sun, but she hadn’t seen the sun in weeks. It had been too cloudy and besides, she only ever went out at night._

_She saw his head bobbing beneath her dress, but she couldn’t feel anything. She was numb. Slowly, she reached over and pinched her arm, relishing the pain and tingling. So, she was not numb to everything, only to him. Or maybe he wasn’t real. She reached down and threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling on the soft (softer) locks. He didn’t whine, or groan, or giggle, just stayed down there. He was real, then._

_Her legs squirmed. She didn’t like this at all. Usually she could feel him, she wanted to feel him, why couldn’t she feel him?! She punched the bed with her hands, felt the soft linen and groaned, but no sound came from her throat. She tried telling him to stop, to come up beside her and look her in the eyes, but he couldn’t hear her, she wasn’t making any noise. She screamed, but all she could hear was a muffled cry, as if one of the fluffy pillows was covering her mouth._

_”What’s wrong, pumpkin?” She saw him in the corner of her eye, the man she knew, the one she wanted. If he was there, who was beneath her dress?_

_”No one important. But then again, no one ever is,” he laughed, short and breathless. She looked to him._

_”Oh, sweets, only I can hear you. Nobody else in this miserable old house can.” She heard a child banging on the door, asking to be let in. She tried telling them to go away, Mommy and Daddy were busy, but it was no use, the girl burst in anyway. The man she knew who wasn’t really the man she knew shot up, grabbed the girl, and walked out of the room. She couldn’t move. She tried to scream again._

_”Oh, shh, cupcake, Daddy’s here. Only me. And that’s just how you like it, isn’t it?” He sat beside her on the bed. As fast as a snake he reached up and covered her mouth, pinching her nose shut. She tried calling for help, but she couldn’t make any air move past her chest. He giggled at her squirming. She moaned into his hand, tears welling up in her eyes._

_”Hush now, Harleykins. Uncle Joker here will keep you safe and sound.” His voice dissolved into laughter as the world faded to black._

Harleyopened her eyes, gasping for breath. It was all just a dream. No one else was in her bed, no children were knocking on her door, and _he_ wasn’tlurking in any corners. She was safe. Stretching her legs, she went to the mirror. Her hair was as blonde as ever, her face was pale, and her glasses were gone, making the world a bit fuzzy around the edges. She smiled to herself and went to the bathroom.

It had been two weeks since she left him. He had crossed a line, left Arkham without her for the first time in years, and when she escaped, she made a point to not go back to him. The night of her leaving, she snuck into his new hideout, grabbed her things, loaded Bud and Lou into her car, and drove away to a little motel on the outskirts of the city. He hadn’t tried to contact her, and she preferred it that way. She was still pissed.

Harley studied herself in the mirror while she brushed her teeth. Her natural brown roots were starting to come in, and crows’ feet were forming at her eyes. Damn, she really was getting older. The fact that she was tired and a mess didn’t help. She stripped and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water cascade down her back. She tilted her head back and started humming “Sally’s Song” from The Nightmare Before Christmas, her favorite movie. It was so perfect, it could be a Halloween _or_ Christmas movie! For her, it was both! 

“Mistah J always loved that movie. He always said I was Sally and he was Jack. How romantic!” Truthfully, the Joker has said this because Jack ignored Sally for the majority of the movie even though she did most of his dirty work, but Harley paid that no mind.

 _I thought you weren’t with him anymore, Harley._ She growled.

“I’m not, so shut up!”

_Jeez, he really must’ve twisted your mind if you’re talking to yourself._

“Ha! You ain’t me. You’reacrummy old doctor who fell in love with her patient! Ya just got so embarrassed, you let me have him. And anyway, I don't love him anymore, so there!”

_Oh really? Then why haven’t you unpacked your bags?_

Harley didn’t answer. The little voice was right. She hadn’t unpacked yet. She was too busy anticipating a call from her puddin’. This made her angry. Her own emotions had betrayed her! She was supposed to be hating and ignoring him!

Harley stomped out of the shower, grabbed a towel, and ran into the dingy motel room. She grabbed her suitcase and ripped it open, sending clothes flying in the process. Bud and Lou grabbed each end of a shirt and played tug of war as she threw clothes around the room, hanging up only the essentials.

_What are you doing?_

“Putting my clothes all around the room,” she replied as she stuffed a bra in between the chair cushions. “That way, if he comes crawlin’ back, I’ll have time to think while I get my stuff before I run off into the sunset.” Just then, she heard her phone ringing. She looked around for a moment as Rihanna sang through her phone’s speaker.

_“Must be love on the brain_

_That’s got me feelin’ this way_

_It beats me black and blue_

_But it fucks me so good_

_And I can’t get enough_

_Must be-“_

Harleyfound her phoneshovedbeneathher pillow. Seeing Selina’s name pop up, she answered.

”Hey, Kitty! What’s up?”

”Hello, Harley. I have a question to ask you.”

”Shoot!”

”Just how much do you hate Batman?” She pondered this. She shared the Joker’s hate of him, only because _Joker_ hated him. In reality, Harley didn’t mind the Bat. She might’ve even liked him once, enough to kiss him when he gave her the dress she had been accused of stealing, even though it was really the cashier’s fault.

”I dunno. Enough to kill ‘im, but not enough to enjoy it.”

”Mhmm. And how much do you love the Joker?”

”I don’t love him no more! He left me to rot, so I’m doin’ the same!” Selina smirked on the other end of the phone.

”Purrfect. Meet me at Gotham City Memorial Garden, out of costume, and no weapons.”

”Why?”

”Just trust me, Harls. Pammy’ll be there.” Harley paused. She looked to Bud, and he looked to Lou, who seemed to nod. Bud relayed the message and Harley grinned.

”Alrighty! See you there!”

”Thanks, Harley. See you in thirty minutes.” Selina hung up first, and Harley raced around her room to find the perfect outfit as Bud and Lou chased her feet, all the while barking out laughs that reminded her a bit too much of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this! Any comments are appreciated! I will try to update this every Friday, Saturday, and maybe even Thursday if I’m feeling up to it. Madealine out!


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